The Irony of Life
It was a
white Christmas day and I was landing at Newark International airport after a
long flight coming from Venezuela; where I was born. I was coming to the U.S.
to live but didn't quite
understand that fact at that moment. All I could concentrate on when I was in
the plane was the excitement of seeing my mom, who was going to be picking me
up at the airport, after three long months of being apart from each other. It
felt like it had been longer since I was only 9-years-old then and I had never
been away from her that long before. I was wearing black jeans and a blazer
since it was winter time here, I thought that blazer was going to be warm enough
but apparently it wasn't I was surprised by that because I had no idea how
cold the weather was like here during the winter. My mom was waiting for me
with a pink coat for me to wear before going outside. When I put it on, I felt
uncomfortable wearing it; the coat was too thick compare to the light sweaters
I was used to wearing in Venezuela. I guess I just had to get adjusted to it;
little did I know that there were many other things I had to get adjusted to.
After
arriving to the U.S. and Christmas; along with the rest of the holiday’s being
over, I was enrolled in school. I was in the middle of 5th grade in
my homeland and it wasn't really until I was enrolled in school that I fully
understood what coming to a foreign country was all about. I was in a new
school, a new country, and with no friends. I was terrified; there was no going
back. I couldn't grasp the idea that I wasn't going to go back to my country,
my school, and my friends. I was here with my family and that gave me comfort
but I was faced with the fact that I had to learn a new language. I also had to
learn new ways of doing things differently from Venezuela, for instance once I
was enrolled in school, I learned that math problems were solve differently in
this country, along with the different measurements that I had learned. I felt
as if things couldn't get any worse.
I remember
being in school, my teacher spoke Spanish to all the class since I was in the
bilingual program. That was very nice actually I felt like I could breathe a
little bit more, it helped me feel in place, where I belonged and better about
being in a different world as a foreigner at least my teacher and classmates
spoke my language but I still had to learn the English language and that was a huge
struggle for me. It took me a long time to get the hang of things, and I always
felt behind. You would think children learn faster or pick things up pretty
quickly but it wasn't the case with me. Besides the language itself I had to
deal with security, confidence, fear, and possibly trauma.
Things were
so frustrating that even the smallest things made me feel terrible and that led
to a huge task for me to overcome. I remember being in 5th grade in
my math class with my Spanish speaking teacher and during that time she was
teaching us how to divide. Is all numbers right? How hard could it be? Well, at
that moment I realized that it was actually different. What I mean by that is
that here they divide backwards; when you are solving a division problem
manually you have to draw a line, plug in the numbers and then you subtract and
eventually solve the division problem. Well, in my country they draw the line
opposite to the line in the U.S., there is no subtraction written and
eventually you get the answer.
So, I was
sitting in class and this impacted me to the extent that I can picture myself
sitting in that class like if it was yesterday. My teacher said to me not to
worry and to just solve the way they do it in my country and that with time I’d
get the hang of how it is done here. So, I am sitting there, starring at the
numbers because guess what? I was in the middle of the school year and I hadn't fully learned the way they do it in my country either. Besides those
differences I was confused with the types of measurements they used here. Here
in the U.S. inches, feet and miles are the normal measurements instead of
centimeters, meters, and kilometers; what a crazy country! I thought. I felt horrible,
stuck and I didn't know how to tell my teacher in front of everybody that I didn't know how to solve a division problem or understood the measurements in
the math book. So I wasn't only struggling with English, but with Math as well.
As classes
came and went I had to practice more at home, probably extra than the regular
student. I tried really hard I practice and practice until I finally knew how
to do these problems. I remember wanting to go outside and play but being
unable to because I had to practice Math problems at home. I was glad at the
end that I learned how to solve the division problems. I now think that is
actually easier to do it the way we do it here but I also think that, that
might be because I never got to fully learn how it is done in Venezuela.
I was very
shy and intimidated by all these changes so I was moving forward very slowly. I
stayed in the bilingual program for a long time, from the middle of 5th
grade all the way up to senior year in high school; that’s more than average I
would think. I stayed for that long because I refused to learn the language, or
acknowledge it and practice it, I was in the bilingual program after all. I
faked not knowing the language at times because I was refusing to move forward.
My teachers and classmates spoke Spanish so I thought I could get away with it.
After so long you learn some things regardless so I understood a lot of what
people would speak around me but I was so afraid of speaking. I refused to
speak or make an effort because I was so intimidated by what was going on
around me.
I recall
being in 8th grade and being asked by several teachers different
questions in English. They were trying to evaluate how much did I understood
the English language because years had passed and I was still in the same
E.S.L. level. Questions simple like: what’s your name? how old are you?,
although I was already at the level where I knew how to answer these questions
I faked not knowing. I stood quite the whole time pretending I had no idea what
they were asking me. I refused to move further, I was so afraid of moving to a
higher level. I didn't want to learn more.
Time went on and I continued in the bilingual program.
By about
sophomore year in high school I was speaking English only when I had to, like
to some teachers, personnel in the cafeteria or if anybody needed help translating.
But I still didn't feel all that comfortable. I would in a way practice the
language in my head or when I was alone. All my friends spoke Spanish and I
spoke Spanish at home so there was no need to put into practice what I had
learned. When senior year started the school transferred me to regular classes,
meaning I was no longer in the bilingual program. So my classmates weren't the
same anymore. A couple of the students from the bilingual program were
transferred to regular classes as well so I wasn't all that alone.
When I was
transferred off the bilingual program I started to put into practice all I had
learned silently over the years. I had always enjoyed writing and had personal
journals that I kept and use as a hobby. These weren't written in English but
the love for writing was always in me. When I graduated high school and went
into college, I was confused about what career I wanted to pursue. I was an
undecided major for a while until I decided to become an English major since I
enjoyed writing so much. How ironic the fact that I had spent my life up to
that point refusing to learn the language and I was then deciding to make that
as my career. So that brings me to think that maybe the things you refuse the
most are those that are going to give you a huge surprise. None of the other
careers really capture my attention and I didn't want to go to school for
something I didn't fully enjoy. As I was growing up my family moved several
times; when we came to this country, when I was in the middle of 7th
grade, when I was in the middle of my senior year in high school, after I
graduated high school, when I was a freshman in college… and so on so, all this
made me unable to be stable about my decisions. It was only writing what felt
like it was that one special thing that wasn't going to change. I always
enjoyed it so I couldn't be happier when I finally decided to pursue it as my
career.
These
learning experiences were tough on me but I have to say that it’s great knowing
all I know and seeing who I've become. After overcoming tough challenges in my
life I believe I can overcome what’s ahead. From the biggest challenges of my
life, great things have been the outcome. Although when I first came to this
country I didn't want to learn the language, now is something that I love. I
moved several times but when I moved in the middle of my senior year in high
school, I am happy to say now that I met my current boyfriend in the High
School where I was transferred to at that time. So, I am currently and happily
an English Writing Option major; I am pursuing a career that I love and I have
met my boyfriend whom I have plans for the future, including getting married
and forming a family. I love the fact that I am able to speak two languages and
help those who are still in the process of learning the language. I love the
fact that I was able to overcome the challenge of learning a new language and
learning new ways of solving math problems. Looking back I feel like these
experiences inspire me to overcome the new challenges in my life because since
I know I was able to overcome it then, I’ll be able to overcome them now. I am
happy about where I am now and I look forward to what the future brings. I
understand that God has a perfect plan for my life even when I think things
don’t make sense. Who would've thought that I was going to become an
English Major after not even wanting to speak the language? After all I went through and all the tough changes I would've thought that I was going to be traumatized by these situations but I instead think that the best came out of these experiences. I am a stable person, pursuing a career I love, with an amazing boyfriend and clear about what I want in the future. I greatly look forward to what the future may bring and hope for the best out of my toughest situations.
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